Blargiddy Blog

finished

2008-03-22T23:58:27Z

... and now i'm addicted to a Sia song (Day Too Soon) and i must have played it for over an hour or so. i just LOVE her voice. i can't stop listening to her now.
anyhow, i'm done with my entry for the Resin Nutmegs Tshirt design contest. I am actually really proud of it, i keep staring at it. i do that a lot when i finish drawing something i think looks good. i stare. i pick. i scrutinize. and i try to remember that i drew it.
i guess i really like the line weight, and the fact that it's not just an 'unfinished' sketch, it's got a definite finality to it.

here it is, i'm not sure if LJ will format it or not, i uploaded a semi-small final version that was 50% of the original. if it wins the contest, i can't imagine it being printed that large on a t-shirt, it will probably be reduced by another 50%. somehow, after drawing this, i feel like i could really be a professional artist, drawing tshirts an ad designs.

this is going to sound really bad, but i really want people to like it as much as i do. >_< i suppose when you're really proud of work that you've done you want it to be recognized, or appreciated. i'd like to think i'd feel the same way whether i was an architect, craftsman, grease monkey, etc.

... but i still feel guilty about it.

"last updated 38 weeks ago" LOL!

2008-03-19T06:50:06Z

i guess i'm just not up late enough and pensive at the computer to post ahaha.

but i am now!

have you ever listened to the same song like a zillion times in a row? i do that a lot when one hits the perfect mood i need to draw, and i've been hitting repeat and before i know it it's 2am. i was drawing a picture for this DOA contest (for CT members i think) for a tshirt for the group. as soon as they announced it an idea popped right into my head, and i was just doodling in front of the computer and somehow i managed to squeeze out what had been in my mind... or close enough. same feeling. of course i drew it on white lined paper (with my sketchbook right next to me!). i don't know why it's easier to doodle on white-lined paper. maybe the sketchbook's clean, crisp pages are intimidating and you feel like you should draw something worthwhile on them.

the song i've listened to a gajillion times is 'Lullaby' by the Dixie Chicks. Somehow or another i obtained the song and it was put on my 'NEW' playlist. I have no idea how i got it but i'm addicted to it. I think the fact that i just read Twilight has something to do with it, because i think the song would do SO WELL with Edward and Bella (like for that meadow scene when it gets really intimate... mmmm. picking just the right song for moments like that are crucial). the author has a 'playlist' on her website (i was there to sneak peeks of the cast for the movie), and i wish i could just mail her and tell her to listen to this song ahaha. no way that could happen, though *sigh*. while i'm at it, i'd probably slip her 'Fools in Love' by Inara George, too. that song is so harsh! but it's so gently horrible it tricks you.

i hope if i ever become famous with a great story and some fan hears the perfect song for a character they'll be able to mail me and tell me what it is. i just love music.

i feel very welcomed to the DOA crew after that CT meetup, i'm very glad i went. i'm kind of psyched about the tshirt thing, i hope i win! i always hate those organizations that never have any good artists on board and then they get some horrible picture to represent them. there are actually some pretty artistic people in that meetup, so i remain optimistic.

i feel bad about New Moon. I kinda don't want to read it because i liked the first book enough, and i feel like i will be irritated with the second book and i don't want to spoil my enjoyment ahaha. i bet TS is going to smack me for saying that!

anyhow, here's the picture i drew, though it looks kinda warped since i used a camera instead of scanning it. i feel like it looks really different in person. i suppose it's because i get pretty anal with my drawings so you lose a lot of detail when it's just photographed. it's going to have 'Resin Nutmegs' in the upper left corner, and i'm going to blend it in with stippling. that thing she's got in her hand is actually a nutmeg cut in half, with the seed showing. meh. makes sense to me. black & white, no colors. easier for printing, less costly. i think color is overrated most of the time, and too heavily relied on. i enjoy the line depth on this...

must sleep.

the quickest way

2007-04-04T16:31:01Z

I hear the quickest way to get over someone is to fall for someone else. How true do you think that statement is?

conan o brian shows the love

2007-03-24T15:30:09Z

yes, a new explicit article came out that forced me to take VERY strong antidepressants or have a complete breakdown. i choose antidepressants.

moments after i come home from hearing this article:
http://www.courant.com/news/custom/topnews/hc-manpeep0322.artmar22,0,7404676.story?coll=hc-headlines-topnews

i'm being comforted by tamara when another friend calls to tell me that conan fucking o'brian was talking about it on his show. oh my fucking god. how far does this go? honestly? i'm surprised i haven't gotten calls from the netherlands yet or japan.

i've just gone numb. you know, i first held onto the idea that he didn't do it, then the idea that
'at least he didn't watch it', then 'at least he didn't record me changing, in the shower cam he'd only have from my hipbone to my collar bone' and 'at least it's not some sick stalker thing where they get into your underwear drawer.' well, that's all shot to shit. this is fucking sick.

ok, like i didn't know this already...

2007-03-19T12:50:11Z

Pure Geek
47 % Nerd, 65% Geek, 21% Dork

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Geek, earning you the title of: Pure Geek.

It's not that you're a school junkie, like the nerd, and you don't really stand out in a crowd, like the dork, you just have some interests that aren't quite mainstream. Perhaps it's anime, perhaps it's computers, perhaps it's bottlecaps, perhaps it's all of those and more. Your interests take you to events and gatherings that are filled with people you find unusual and beyond-the-pale, but you don't quite consider yourself "of that crowd." Instead, you consider yourself to be fairly normal.

Which, you are.

Congratulations! You're the one on the RIGHT!

Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Professional Wrestling

Love & Sexuality

America/Politics

Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on nerdiness

You scored higher than 99% on geekosity

You scored higher than 99% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

ahaha it explained that i'm a pretty normal person outside of my hobbies AHAHA.

tagging and updates

2007-03-14T14:04:44Z

"List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Live Journal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."

1) Yours to Keep - The Teddybears feat. Neneh Cherry
2) Elevator Love LEtter - Stars
3) Bunny Ain't no Kind of Rider - Of Montreal
4) Touch Up - Mother Mother
5) Radio Protector - 65daysofstatic
6) Electrified - Dressy Bessy
7) Young Folks - Peter Bjorn & John

Me as a music lover, i can't resist.

updates:
I was feeling like shit yesterday morning after eating out with my family the night before. i had the feeling it was going to be a bad day, so i tried to reroute it. i called out of work, slept til noon, then ran some errands. upon running errands i got a great deal on cds, got to talk to my favorite music associate at newbury comics about indie bands, and snagged 2 free tickets to a pre-screening of Premonition. the day is looking up!

then... nick cancelled on me AGAIN. wtf... i was irritated, to say the least. and yes, i know it's not his fault he's depressed and doesn't want to see anyone and it's not me specifically that he doesn't want to see. i was quiet for a minute on the phone, and he told me to talk about something, so i asked him what went to wrong this week that put him in this state. wrong question. he answered vaguely, then said that talking about it was making it worse so he didn't want to talk anymore. have a nice night. goodbye.

i quit LOL. my brain was trying to make attachements to him that i didn't like, and i need to remain where i want to be; friend status. so, i've decided after such a long time (and my last boyfriend drop-kicking my heart) i'm ready to be in a relationship again (not with nick though ahahaha).

so i sat there staring at the free movie pass, and wondering if i should go. ivan came home and was like, "why not? it's free!!" so we went. my day brightened. i said, "screw you, nick! i'm not letting you turn my day bad again" and i took opportunity by the hand. movie wasn't that great, but at least i didn't pay for it and i got my mind off things.

i went home and made dinner then watched the first episode of the nodame drama with ivan (i'm basically forcing everyone i know to watch it ahaha). he seemed to really like it, and now it's one more person convincing tamara to watch it. i'm planning to have them watch up to episode 4 (where i am) and then we can all watch the later episodes together. <3

(on a sidenote, i am totally in love with the guy that plays chiaki. Hiroki Tamaki? i think? he's beautiful and perfect and i love him LOL he can clean for me, cook, AND play music for me!)

i also ordered brother, dear brother dvds from the original subber for tamara, ivan and i to watch. i downloaded the series on bittorrent, but i was used to the A+ quality of the techonogirls tapes and i can't stand the low quality of the torrent (the art is so beautiful, you need it as good as you can get!).

so, my day ended well. thank god for that!

Guilt

2007-03-12T14:01:20Z

Yeeps, i usually have meetings on mondays that take up a good chunk of my day, but now that i have a boss she goes instead of me. she gave me 2 spreadsheets to work on and i already finished (i think she thought it would take a lot longer than it actually did). now i feel guilty because i used to be overworked, but now that there's 2 of us i don't have much to do this morning.

i feel like i did my good deed for the day, though. i downloaded brother, dear brother (full series) and am continuing to seed it for a day or two. i will probably finally shut it down tonight, but i'm the only seeder so i'd feel guilty if i left. it's SUCH a great series. now THAT i'd love to see as a drama!! <3

more guilt... i didn't give up nick so easily in high school just because of mirah. it was also because he's got clinical depression and social anxiety. now that i've been spending more time with him it's all the more apparrant. it's just very hard for me to deal with caring for a person who doesn't value themselves at all. not even enough to peel themselves off the couch and make something of their life. I feel like that's a horrible thing to say... it's not his fault, and he doesn't have health insurance to medicate. I have depressed friends and i try to make them feel better, and i'd like to think just being around helps. but nick has one of the worst cases i've seen (in a friend) and it makes it all the more painful because i care a little more than a friend should, but less than a lover. he makes it easy for me to shy away from getting involved with him because he doesn't want to see anyone half the time (more like 99% of the time). though he does say i'm one of the few people he can stand to be around often.
i just don't understand him. or what he's thinking. or what he wants.

on a brighter, less guilty note, i'll be heading out for the family dinner of the month tonight. my family gets together once a month (when did this start?) to have dinner. a restaurant my mom and i really like has a special dinner once a month, so we'd go... then we invited the rest of the family, and then my sister asked why we always go there for family dinner night. 'family dinner night'? since when did it become that? but, there it is. and tonight it's chowder pot. yum! lobster! <3

Dorama?

2007-03-11T16:36:45Z

i've caught the dorama bug from watching nodame (who wouldn't with that beautiful chiaki-sama??) and am rewatching the hana yori dango one (which now has a second series out... how on earth did i miss that?). butttt, i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for other series? i don't care if it's korean, chinese, japanese... just something good i can sink my teeth into.
also, i was looking for meteor garden but can't find a good place to download it. i hear good things, though, i really want to watch! T_T
Thanks in advance for the help! <3

Forgettable; Regrettable (music rant)

2007-02-01T20:57:46Z

Ok, so, I was debating buying the new Katherine McPhee (American Idol Season 5 Runner-Up) album but wanted to hear it first. I'm borrowing it from a friend but don't have a working computer to rip it onto so i decided to give it a preview today through itunes while i'm waiting for my computer's glorious return.
i saw a few reviews on itunes, many glowing. then one caught my eye saying 'overproduced mush. what a waste of a voice.' i gave it a listen, and i hate to say it but that small review really rang true. what the HELL are they DOING to people's voices nowadays?? WOW, you have a REALLY great voice!! let's alter it, then put a bunch of beats over it to overproduced music that are cookie-cutter pop radio hits!! it will sound just like everything else, but that only means that it's guaranteed to be in the top 10! at least divas like mariah carey were so vain they showed off their vocals whenever they could (ahaha!!) so at least it didn't blend into the mush. i wonder if this is how she wanted to make her debut, what she dreamed of singing when she was a little girl. have fun being just like everyone else, Katherine. your songs are so forgettable i regret it for you.

although, i do like kelly clarkson a lot. for some reason i feel like her 2nd album has a quality that sets her apart and that i can't ignore. 'you go, girl!' maybe that's why i'm so disappointed by McPhee. SIGH.

even more upsetting still is my favorite from season 5, Paris Bennet. she was SO VERSATILE and had this great jazz voice. i previewed her album and wanted to be sick. didn't use her voice at all the way that she could/should have. she makes me want to smack my face into a wall.

i will no longer expect any female singer (or singer in general) that american idol spits out to keep their integrity. i don't know why they spend all that time picking out the best singer and then just pervert and plaster over their voice. might as well just go with ashlee simpson if that was your goal.

also, i give a swift slap to nelly furtado for selling out as well. c'mon, man! your other albums were good! what did you DO? you sold out to hip-hop beats and sexually charged lyrics. i loved you SO MUCH. you broke my heart.

and while i'm at it, i kick michelle branch for teaming up with her friend instead of continuing to make solo music. boo i say!!!

ANNOYING LOSER!!

2007-01-31T15:22:44Z

ok, sorry, i just have to mention that we got this detailer working for us now, his office is closest to mine, so he keeps coming in to talk to me, interrupting me while i'm working just because he has no work to do.

he is such a LOSER. arrgh!! it's not like i'm an A-list star or anything and i love my dorkdom but this guy is a L-O-S-E-R.

he was just talking about his crappy car, then that he had a roomate that was a girl because she was fugly so he wouldn't be attracted and then that he found out after he moved out she had the 'hots' for him and he said 'eww!'

OMFG. get out of my office you fugly balding pot-bellied ginger!!

LOVE!!

2007-01-31T15:00:23Z

Again, i've booked myself up through the week. wtf is wrong with me?? i need to get back to the gym!!
last week i booked myself through every night, and i've done the same this week. not to say i'm not having fun, but honestly, i like lazing around! i saw dreamgirls on monday with my sisters and it was SO GOOD. totally going to buy it on DVD and i loved the singing in it! tuesday i saw Nick, today i'm seeing syd, tomorrow is carlos (he reads NANA!! WHEEE!! I CAN FINALLY TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING PAST V4!! plus he'll get me some more cd binders!! very important!) and friday is nick again. this weekend i SWEAR i will go out and get my favorite pizza and work on pinkys!! plus i can catch up with all the stuff i missed on tv by watching it on DVR. yay DVR and free sundays!

sooo... i was just sitting on nick's couch last night thinking about how i didn't reserve a table for this month's pastrami on wry (best restaurant EVER) special dinner. i was trying to figure why i didn't reserve a table, and all i could think of is that i didn't have anyone to go with, but i usually go with my whole family so i was trying to think of why it was different this time. then it hit me: it was a valentine's day dinner. suddenly i noticed it's feb and on the 14th it's valentine's day. kind of sad i completely and utterly forgot. that's what happens when you don't have someone special. it also happens to be one of the only weekends in feb i won't be in NYC. go figure, i'll be all alone.

in NYC i saw jaymay live (also where i learned of Leah Siegel) but she only sang 5 songs so i asked her when she was singing a full set and TA-DAH! she just happens to be playing when i'm going to the NYC Comicon. i feel my luck is renewed, and i feel the love.

i really don't know what the hell i'm going to do at this comicon... see dan, i know, but i like manga so much i don't know where to start with normal comics.

i'm plagued by wanting TONS of albums i can't afford. i'm trying to save money because i know my 2 feb NYC trips are going to suck me dry, but i still bought the new CYHSY! album and the fratellis album (ok, i just COULD NOT WAIT until march for that album! and that itunes commercial with Flathead in it just tormented me. now i'll have the album, and can watch the itunes commercial in peace). i blame WOXY hahaha. lala bought an internet radio station and it's the best thing ever, i've been listening all day at work getting introduced to these great new (and older) indie bands. drawback is i want so many albums now!! i'm getting the new releases of the ones i like but i just can't keep up. it's crazy!

i wonder what the odds are that i'd get a date for valentine's day. if i was in NYC i'd so just go to that store i got the spiderweb from and ask out the cute guy that helped me (TS, you know who i'm talking about!). lol... i wonder if he'd have said yes to a valentine's date. i think i'll have fun if i move to the city...

Spending bender abating...

2007-01-26T15:45:06Z

ugh, i've been trying so hard to save my money lately, but after my trip to NYC i've become my old spendaholic self. i just snapped out of it today and the damage wasn't that great as i still have more money in my accounts than i've ever had before. i don't know how the heck that happens, it seems the more money i spend, the more i get.

i spent $100 on paint for my pinkys so i'm hoping that will A) force me to work on my customs and finally finish one B) keep me occupied so i don't spend money and C) make me feel more accomplished. i was looking around for free webhosting sites with enough space because i thought it i actually got some customs finished i'd make an 'itachi's customs' site with how-tos and works in progress as well as finished customs.

speaking of which, what's been up with the pinky forum? 50% of the time when i go in the mornings the site is down. it makes me sad ;A;

I GOT MY PURSE!! it's sooo pretty. i was going to post pics but my camera just isn't taking pictures well. i think i need another camera, it's just doesn't want to recognize light well, or take macro shots. normal shots of friends seem to be fine, though, when in auto mode. time to step up to a DSLR. anyhow, the Gustto Baca is HUUUUGE and i can fit a zillion things in it (not that i do normally, but i can if i want to). i think steve said it was like those bags in cartoons where you can pull tons of stuff out of it even though the things you're pulling out have no earthly business being in a purse/briefcase that size XD. i put my Bose triports, ipod, round-bristle brush, hand creme, cell phone, chapstick, credit cards & cash, sunglasses, book, nintendo DS, gloves, face lotion, and floss in there and it looks barely occupied. WTF? and the leather is soooo soft and everyone seems to like her, even people who don't care for purses.

ZOMFG

2007-01-23T14:58:45Z

http://toys.justmanga.com/toypage/OURAN6PCSETPLUS

OURAN PLUSHIES!!! OMFG OMFG how the HELL DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS??? i used to be such an avid plush collector... what happened!? sooo expensive... $60 for a set (says the girl who ordered them the second she saw them). FREE SHIPPING!!! O_O

i wonder if they'll make nodame plush... 9_9 tee hee chiaki-samaaaa...

ME NEED NODAMEEEE!!

2007-01-16T20:42:29Z

arrrgh i need nodame drama subbed but i don't know where to get it? someone please help meee!!

a commitment

2007-01-04T17:18:40Z

After Landon Pigg, Shout Out Louds, The Weakerthans, Jim Noir, The Headlights, The Shins, The Killers... I am now listening to Psapp. I think it's nice i'm FINALLY committing to albums and leaving them in the car long enough to get to know them. many times when i buy a new album i only listen to the tracks i know then it gets bumped (like the Killers HotFuss). Now i feel like a real jerk because i put my ipod on random and a track came up from HotFuss i didn't know and i really liked it. Damn me!! shame on me for missing songs i really like. *sigh* my new year's resolution, i guess, will be 'don't let an album slide.' ^_^

By the way, Psapp is very cool (and even made a new breed of electronica).

wow... i'm committing to something... what's next, an actual relationship? AHAHAHA...

it's all i can think about...

2006-12-28T14:35:57Z

stupid bag! i didn't buy it on ebay for $400 & $500 when i saw it and now it's gone! O_O;; i'm hoping it shows up again... i can't pay $800. i would shoot myself.

i did some tallying of the cash i've been aquiring on the side for my bag (my holiday & bday money) and it's up to $475 (when i count the money i'm getting for my birthday). i'm highly considering buying the $398 bag that's half the size AND half the price. >_< the bag i really want is HUUUGE, and the bag half the size is too small. i feel like goldilocks.

and i'm really happy that no one scoffed at my last journal entry! i love you guys! <3

at least me thining of the purse is keeping me from buying anything else (like books and cds). i went out last night to the bath & bodyworks sale and got a bunch of items i needed on supersale. i'm rather thrifty ^_^;; so it's funny i like such expensive things. i just refuse to pay full price for them! ahaha... thus 'ebay is my friend.'

and i went to the gym last night! go me!! *wonders if she'll really do the 'if i lose 15 lbs i can get such-and-such bag'* HAHAHA... i wish! i really hope i can get to the gym tonight! it's so hard around the holidays but i know i'll be busy most of the weekend. plus you eat like CRAZY because there's so much food around. my sister made sugar cookies last night and gave me some... it's not helping LOL!

From TS!

2006-12-19T15:18:00Z

from TS yay!
A is for age:
22

B is for Beer:
Don't really have a favorite, but I like mixed drinks...

C is for Career:
Artist / Drawing Coordinator for SFI

D is for my Dog's Name:
Bree

E is for Essential Item I Use Everyday:
Ipod / Cell phone (lol don't i sound modern)

F is for Favorite T.V. Show:
arrrgh... ok, uhm... Sex & the City, Friends, Hanadan, Seinfeld, Family Guy, Simpsons

G is for Favorite Game:
Tetris Attack! woo!

H is for Hometown:
Manchester, CT

I is for Instruments I Play:
Clarinet

J is for Favorite Juice:
Cranberry

K is for Whose Butt I'd Like To Kick:
Stupid people

L is for the Last Place I Ate:
...parent's/family's house?

M is for Marriage:
Not married, maybe someday I'll be able to make a commitment...

N is for my Name:
Jessica

O is for Overnight Hospital Stays:
Hm, I don't think I ever stayed overnight...

P is for People I was With Today:
Work associates

Q is for Quote:
"It's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" - Everett, 'O Brother Where Art Thou'

R is for Biggest Regret:
Being so sick in high school

S is for Sport:
soccer, tennis, basketball

T is for Time I Woke Up Today:
7:40AM

U is for Current Underwear:
Tommy Hil. American Flag thong ^_^;;

V is for Vegetable You Love:
Most Veggies

W is for Worst Habit:
Compulsive Shopper

X is for X-rays I Have Had:
Ankles x 16, Wrist, stomach, (does MRI/CT count? if so, then head).

Y is for Yummy Food You Ate Today:
i've only had breakfast. but i plan to have yummy greenbeans with grilled cheese and tomato soup ^_^

Z is for Zodiac:
Capricorn

Party Party Party

2006-12-15T14:32:22Z

I went to two parties last night!

The first one was directly after work and it was our company xmas party. It was actually pretty fun and I got to meet a lot of people that I've emailed but never spoken to. Also one of my bosses said he'd take me out to one of the job sites so I'm excited I get to see it AND get out of the office at the same time! <3 I was a bit upset though, because every year they have a raffle and since I couldn't stay the whole time one of the bosses said I wouldn't be entered. But, I had to go to my brother's Bday party... so I left early and my mom said she'd claim my prize if I won anything (she works with me at the same office).

My brother's party was SO FUN! His wife always makes me drink so much wine, though T_T;;
We had great food (catered by Hot Tomato's) and I got to catch up with a bunch of people. I really like my siblings' friends so I have fun laughing and talking with them. It's really a big family. One of them is pregnant! It seems everyone is, lately, though I know it's because I'm the youngest family member, my siblings are older and the right age for having children. I feel old! LOL!

Partway through the party my mom texts me to tell me I won a prize! A 19" widescreen HD LCD TV!! woo!! What a nice bonus ^_^... i guess it's going next to me 21" widescreen monitor, and I'll do a dual screen monitor/tv thing. We'll see...

I feel guilty for winning something I don't really need, though... >_

over a month later...

2006-12-11T21:05:19Z

man, i haven't been on the net that much lately. i've been a pretty good girl about my spending and i have almost all my xmas shopping done. <3

i aquired volumes 1-9 of basara and completely destroyed them this weekend. i didn't mean to read them all, but it was sooo goooooood. i... ended up ordering 10-21 because i just couldn't wait. it's been a long time since there was a manga that made me want to run out and buy the next one. i feel like i'm kind of celebrating. i should be sad i spent the money, but i thought about it good and hard for a day or two and decided to buy them. like i said, it's been a long time since i had pure manga joy, and basara is just the thing i'd like to read right now.

i feel a bit bad for basara, though... it's on the top 20 best-selling ever shojo list (in japan) but it's so underappreciated in the USA. when i first saw it i was like, "GAH look at that horrible art!!!" but i had it in scanlations for free and i heard it was good, so i read the first volume. MAN, it was so good i completely forgot the art was horrible. i read through volume 3 in japanese but it takes me a while to read japanese so my interest waned. now it's out in the USA and i was waiting to buy a bunch in bulk, but i got roped into just buying it outright. it just really sucks they don't even have it in most bookstores. they have like volume 4, 17 and 21. i wish more people knew about it. *sad*

TS, steve, i miss you guys!! aceboard is down today so i'm sad and missing you!!!

depression

2006-11-01T15:41:04Z

i joined tokyopop's forum for kicks and posted some art from my deviantart account and i got a bunch of comments and watches in less than 1 day. it made me feel good, but sad because my art is all so old, i haven't drawn in forever it seems.

i want to be a good artist so badly, but my skills are failing without constant honing. i'm letting them go lax just like i'm letting my body get fat. it makes me sick, and sad, and depressed. why am i so afraid to become a real artist?

i see so much nice art out there, and i think, "man, if i only drew every day, i'd have surpassed all these people." i want to not have to say that anymore. i'm 22, almost 23, and i need to fucking get off my ass.

i did go jogging this morning. and god dammit, i'm going to draw tonight. i want to become who i want to be, and be happy. i don't want to float through life with art as a hobby when i can make a living.

i get mad whenever i see my friend that has become successful and made a comic that sells everywhere. when i walk into borders i see it, barnes and noble, every time i read a manga there's an ad for it in the back. i want that to be MY ad. if i didn't have the ability to do it i wouldn't be so angry, i don't think. it's the fact that i COULD have done that by now and not have to be angry about it. i'm angry at myself, not my friend.

but what if i submit something to tokyopop and they reject it? keep trying?

it had me at 'communion wafer' LOL!

2006-10-31T21:51:40Z

You went trick or treating as JuliusCaesar.
RaphaeI gave you ATomato.
Roderigo gave you CheapDomesticBeer.
RonaldReagan gave you ATomato.
TheGiantSquid gave you ACommunionWafer.
You had a cool time until ProfessorPlum locked you out of the Emerald City.

What's Your Trick-or-Treat Haul?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG

other hilights were 'getting Poland from Cloud Strife', 'You had a praiseworthy time until SonicTheHedgehog subjected you to electroshock therapy', and 'You went trick or treating as TheLegLamp' (from 'a xmas story! LOL)

i'm HERMIONE GRANGER, DAMMIT!

2006-10-31T15:38:21Z

when i went to halloween parties this weekend dressed as hermione granger in her school uniform no one knew who i was. it drove me crazy. i had on grey slacks (though i do admit she wears a skirt), a lighter grey v-neck sweater, white collar button-down underneath, black cape, and official harry potter scarf & hat set (i needed to import the damn things from england years ago when the first movie was out, official replicas!) as well as i curled my hair and mussed it up! it's stunning how many people don't know about harry potter. it's so much fun.:-( at least i know when i hand out candy tonight the trick-or-treaters will totally know who i am, i bet you!

when i was driving in the car to work this morning i heard a song that made me sad thinking of old love. i hate it when that happens.

and so today is tuesday, new release day at best buy where i usually head down there to buy dvds and cds. i know James will be there, and i'm wondering if i should go...

i carved pumpkins last night!! one with yukata reina's eyes and smile, the other with the 'p:twisted' emoticon. SO FUNNY!! i laughed so hard when i saw it lit up. in all honesty, i just couldn't think of anything else to carve -_-;;. at least when steve posts it on the forum tonight i'll have made him make his own post in the gallery (mwahahaha!) and i think the forum members will get a kick out of it ^_^.

itachi_art @ 2006-10-30T16:30:00

2006-10-30T21:30:34Z

My japanese name is 遠藤 Endoh (distant wisteria) 彩花 Ayaka (colorful flower).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

I WANT TO BE GOOD AT FIGUREMAKING!!

2006-10-30T20:44:07Z

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!! i'm searching all over the internet for good guides to figuremaking and i can't find a damn one!

my frustration started when i was trying to finish up a pinky custom for a tutorial i'm making for december pink'd. but i couldn't manuever what i was working on right so i had to can a bunch of epoxy which i haven't done since i used epoxy for the first time. MF'ER!! some customizer i am! if i can't do it, how can i expect the people reading the tutorial to do it?!? X_X

i did find one site that told you how to make 1/8th scale figures (not much help for what i was trying to do with the pinky) and i became intrigued. i REALLY want a serenity figure. really. really bad.

it's just, i know i'll be able to do it if someone just gave me some good pointers. it's so hard to make something on your own with no clue at all other than an end result in mind. no techniques or tips, no how-tos, not even reccommended materials. i want to just slam my head into a brick wall.

additionally, i am getting fatter by the day and need to move to my 'serious emergency' plan of waking my ass up very early to go jogging before work. this will require me waking up at 6:15am so i can eat some food, then jog for a half hour, then come home and take a shower, then head to work. when i get out of work, i'll eat dinner then go to the gym. this is my emergency plan, and god help me make it happen. if my sister can do it, damn it, so can i!!

good luck, good luck, bad luck, good luck

2006-10-27T14:16:14Z

kind of a long post, but eventful enough...

i've realized in general i'm a rather lucky person.

at a used bookshop, i ran across basara 1 & 3 (i already have 2) and inuyasha 12 for under $10 altogether with shipping included. i'm determined to collect basara, i've read a few volumes and they're so good!! but i'm really cheap, and i didn't start collecting it when it started coming out so now it seems like a big investment ^_^;; i just think it's really funny that those are the volumes i needed for basara and the next volume i need for inuyasha, at the same store, for really cheap.

there's a few things i wanted from the grocery store, and they just went on sale... all the things on my list. how funny!

i lost 2 auctions for cds, and then they showed up on ebay again and i won both of them for half the price i bid last time.

i was looking for Aya heads from the tenten round 1 pinky for customs but it's hard to find and not many people would want to give up a head from a limited pinky anyhow (as it's out of print, rather rare, and hard to find). then just like that, 2 of them went up for sale on the pinky market forum and i snatched them up. not 1, but 2! how lucky...

after my friend tried to hook me up with her gross brother-in-law (as well as her brother hitting on me), i came to terms with waiting for a guy. i went so far as to say, "while i'm being choosy, i might as well say i want a guy with a good name. nothing like wallace or sheldon or carl. something like james or luke or alex."
i came home last night and ivan was there. he mentioned best buy because he got a coupon in the mail, and i happened to need to go because i needed a pair of headphones to jog with. we go together, and a rather handsome sales associate helps us. i mention that i might want a DS so i can play a game i imported, but i wanted to know if there were other good games (as i didn't want to buy a $130 system just for one game). the game leads to talk of japan (where it was imported from) and it turns out he lived there for a few years because of the military. he then adds, "by the way, i'm james." O_O;;
he said that he saw me come in from time to time with my headphones on, and even saw me shopping for groceries at big Y. so funny! he must have taken notice of me since i go into best buy all the time. i remember a few customers that i'd run into everywhere, it was really odd.
anyhow, he seemed pretty into me and definately wanted to give me his number, but i was hesitant about presenting an opening. i don't know why. i don't like being hit on, it makes me ancy. even if i may be interested in the guy hitting on me. i usually just run away. so, i ran. but i'll think it over when i head back there on new release Tuesday ^_^;;.

but... i know this is terrible of me... i know part of my reason for being hesitant. he's black, and 99% of all the black guys i know cheat on their girlfriends relentlessly. i know that's a stereotype, but i pretty much have had it confirmed for me by my friends (my black male friends, and my girlfriends that have dated black men). plus i'm just SOOOOO white LOL! that's ok, though, i love absorbing new cultures XD

though, i don't really see the harm in going on 1 date. he was well spoken, good tempered, and it gives me an excuse to eat at a nice restaurant! *_* and we all know how much i love food! ... and how i can eat an inhuman amount of it.

so, my downstairs neighbors... you know, the ones that have the dog that barks a lot that they let run around in the graveyard and piss on gravestornes while they drink beer and smoke weed? with the loud stereos? yea, they set something in their apartment on fire on their stove last night and there was TONS of smoke in our apartment. we couldn't walk out into the living room/kitchen/dining room because we'd choke on the smoke. it was terrible. it was thick enough so that we couldn't see very well. i guess the downstairs apartment was 5x as bad as ours.
so we needed to leave all of our windows open ON THE COLDEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR SO FAR with fans blazing. i couldn't breathe well, kept coughing, and my covers and clothes smell like this horrible smoke now. THEY ARE THE WORST NEIGHBORS EVER!! E_V_E_R!!!

i didn't get to sleep until very late because of all this and i'm irritable. i hope the halloween party tonight lifts my spirits. boo