... and now i'm addicted to a Sia song (Day Too Soon) and i must have played it for over an hour or so. i just LOVE her voice. i can't stop listening to her now.
anyhow, i'm done with my entry for the Resin Nutmegs Tshirt design contest. I am actually really proud of it, i keep staring at it. i do that a lot when i finish drawing something i think looks good. i stare. i pick. i scrutinize. and i try to remember that i drew it.
i guess i really like the line weight, and the fact that it's not just an 'unfinished' sketch, it's got a definite finality to it.

here it is, i'm not sure if LJ will format it or not, i uploaded a semi-small final version that was 50% of the original. if it wins the contest, i can't imagine it being printed that large on a t-shirt, it will probably be reduced by another 50%. somehow, after drawing this, i feel like i could really be a professional artist, drawing tshirts an ad designs.



this is going to sound really bad, but i really want people to like it as much as i do. >_< i suppose when you're really proud of work that you've done you want it to be recognized, or appreciated. i'd like to think i'd feel the same way whether i was an architect, craftsman, grease monkey, etc.

... but i still feel guilty about it.

i guess i'm just not up late enough and pensive at the computer to post ahaha.

but i am now!

have you ever listened to the same song like a zillion times in a row? i do that a lot when one hits the perfect mood i need to draw, and i've been hitting repeat and before i know it it's 2am. i was drawing a picture for this DOA contest (for CT members i think) for a tshirt for the group. as soon as they announced it an idea popped right into my head, and i was just doodling in front of the computer and somehow i managed to squeeze out what had been in my mind... or close enough. same feeling. of course i drew it on white lined paper (with my sketchbook right next to me!). i don't know why it's easier to doodle on white-lined paper. maybe the sketchbook's clean, crisp pages are intimidating and you feel like you should draw something worthwhile on them.

the song i've listened to a gajillion times is 'Lullaby' by the Dixie Chicks. Somehow or another i obtained the song and it was put on my 'NEW' playlist. I have no idea how i got it but i'm addicted to it. I think the fact that i just read Twilight has something to do with it, because i think the song would do SO WELL with Edward and Bella (like for that meadow scene when it gets really intimate... mmmm. picking just the right song for moments like that are crucial). the author has a 'playlist' on her website (i was there to sneak peeks of the cast for the movie), and i wish i could just mail her and tell her to listen to this song ahaha. no way that could happen, though *sigh*. while i'm at it, i'd probably slip her 'Fools in Love' by Inara George, too. that song is so harsh! but it's so gently horrible it tricks you.

i hope if i ever become famous with a great story and some fan hears the perfect song for a character they'll be able to mail me and tell me what it is. i just love music.

i feel very welcomed to the DOA crew after that CT meetup, i'm very glad i went. i'm kind of psyched about the tshirt thing, i hope i win! i always hate those organizations that never have any good artists on board and then they get some horrible picture to represent them. there are actually some pretty artistic people in that meetup, so i remain optimistic.

i feel bad about New Moon. I kinda don't want to read it because i liked the first book enough, and i feel like i will be irritated with the second book and i don't want to spoil my enjoyment ahaha. i bet TS is going to smack me for saying that!

anyhow, here's the picture i drew, though it looks kinda warped since i used a camera instead of scanning it. i feel like it looks really different in person. i suppose it's because i get pretty anal with my drawings so you lose a lot of detail when it's just photographed. it's going to have 'Resin Nutmegs' in the upper left corner, and i'm going to blend it in with stippling. that thing she's got in her hand is actually a nutmeg cut in half, with the seed showing. meh. makes sense to me. black & white, no colors. easier for printing, less costly. i think color is overrated most of the time, and too heavily relied on. i enjoy the line depth on this...



must sleep.

I hear the quickest way to get over someone is to fall for someone else. How true do you think that statement is?

yes, a new explicit article came out that forced me to take VERY strong antidepressants or have a complete breakdown. i choose antidepressants.

moments after i come home from hearing this article:
http://www.courant.com/news/custom/topnews/hc-manpeep0322.artmar22,0,7404676.story?coll=hc-headlines-topnews

i'm being comforted by tamara when another friend calls to tell me that conan fucking o'brian was talking about it on his show. oh my fucking god. how far does this go? honestly? i'm surprised i haven't gotten calls from the netherlands yet or japan.

i've just gone numb. you know, i first held onto the idea that he didn't do it, then the idea that
'at least he didn't watch it', then 'at least he didn't record me changing, in the shower cam he'd only have from my hipbone to my collar bone' and 'at least it's not some sick stalker thing where they get into your underwear drawer.' well, that's all shot to shit. this is fucking sick.

"List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Live Journal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."

1) Yours to Keep - The Teddybears feat. Neneh Cherry
2) Elevator Love LEtter - Stars
3) Bunny Ain't no Kind of Rider - Of Montreal
4) Touch Up - Mother Mother
5) Radio Protector - 65daysofstatic
6) Electrified - Dressy Bessy
7) Young Folks - Peter Bjorn & John

Me as a music lover, i can't resist.

updates:
I was feeling like shit yesterday morning after eating out with my family the night before. i had the feeling it was going to be a bad day, so i tried to reroute it. i called out of work, slept til noon, then ran some errands. upon running errands i got a great deal on cds, got to talk to my favorite music associate at newbury comics about indie bands, and snagged 2 free tickets to a pre-screening of Premonition. the day is looking up!

then... nick cancelled on me AGAIN. wtf... i was irritated, to say the least. and yes, i know it's not his fault he's depressed and doesn't want to see anyone and it's not me specifically that he doesn't want to see. i was quiet for a minute on the phone, and he told me to talk about something, so i asked him what went to wrong this week that put him in this state. wrong question. he answered vaguely, then said that talking about it was making it worse so he didn't want to talk anymore. have a nice night. goodbye.

i quit LOL. my brain was trying to make attachements to him that i didn't like, and i need to remain where i want to be; friend status. so, i've decided after such a long time (and my last boyfriend drop-kicking my heart) i'm ready to be in a relationship again (not with nick though ahahaha).

so i sat there staring at the free movie pass, and wondering if i should go. ivan came home and was like, "why not? it's free!!" so we went. my day brightened. i said, "screw you, nick! i'm not letting you turn my day bad again" and i took opportunity by the hand. movie wasn't that great, but at least i didn't pay for it and i got my mind off things.

i went home and made dinner then watched the first episode of the nodame drama with ivan (i'm basically forcing everyone i know to watch it ahaha). he seemed to really like it, and now it's one more person convincing tamara to watch it. i'm planning to have them watch up to episode 4 (where i am) and then we can all watch the later episodes together. <3

(on a sidenote, i am totally in love with the guy that plays chiaki. Hiroki Tamaki? i think? he's beautiful and perfect and i love him LOL he can clean for me, cook, AND play music for me!)

i also ordered brother, dear brother dvds from the original subber for tamara, ivan and i to watch. i downloaded the series on bittorrent, but i was used to the A+ quality of the techonogirls tapes and i can't stand the low quality of the torrent (the art is so beautiful, you need it as good as you can get!).

so, my day ended well. thank god for that!

Yeeps, i usually have meetings on mondays that take up a good chunk of my day, but now that i have a boss she goes instead of me. she gave me 2 spreadsheets to work on and i already finished (i think she thought it would take a lot longer than it actually did). now i feel guilty because i used to be overworked, but now that there's 2 of us i don't have much to do this morning.

i feel like i did my good deed for the day, though. i downloaded brother, dear brother (full series) and am continuing to seed it for a day or two. i will probably finally shut it down tonight, but i'm the only seeder so i'd feel guilty if i left. it's SUCH a great series. now THAT i'd love to see as a drama!! <3

more guilt... i didn't give up nick so easily in high school just because of mirah. it was also because he's got clinical depression and social anxiety. now that i've been spending more time with him it's all the more apparrant. it's just very hard for me to deal with caring for a person who doesn't value themselves at all. not even enough to peel themselves off the couch and make something of their life. I feel like that's a horrible thing to say... it's not his fault, and he doesn't have health insurance to medicate. I have depressed friends and i try to make them feel better, and i'd like to think just being around helps. but nick has one of the worst cases i've seen (in a friend) and it makes it all the more painful because i care a little more than a friend should, but less than a lover. he makes it easy for me to shy away from getting involved with him because he doesn't want to see anyone half the time (more like 99% of the time). though he does say i'm one of the few people he can stand to be around often.
i just don't understand him. or what he's thinking. or what he wants.

on a brighter, less guilty note, i'll be heading out for the family dinner of the month tonight. my family gets together once a month (when did this start?) to have dinner. a restaurant my mom and i really like has a special dinner once a month, so we'd go... then we invited the rest of the family, and then my sister asked why we always go there for family dinner night. 'family dinner night'? since when did it become that? but, there it is. and tonight it's chowder pot. yum! lobster! <3

i've caught the dorama bug from watching nodame (who wouldn't with that beautiful chiaki-sama??) and am rewatching the hana yori dango one (which now has a second series out... how on earth did i miss that?). butttt, i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for other series? i don't care if it's korean, chinese, japanese... just something good i can sink my teeth into.
also, i was looking for meteor garden but can't find a good place to download it. i hear good things, though, i really want to watch! T_T
Thanks in advance for the help! <3

Ok, so, I was debating buying the new Katherine McPhee (American Idol Season 5 Runner-Up) album but wanted to hear it first. I'm borrowing it from a friend but don't have a working computer to rip it onto so i decided to give it a preview today through itunes while i'm waiting for my computer's glorious return.
i saw a few reviews on itunes, many glowing. then one caught my eye saying 'overproduced mush. what a waste of a voice.' i gave it a listen, and i hate to say it but that small review really rang true. what the HELL are they DOING to people's voices nowadays?? WOW, you have a REALLY great voice!! let's alter it, then put a bunch of beats over it to overproduced music that are cookie-cutter pop radio hits!! it will sound just like everything else, but that only means that it's guaranteed to be in the top 10! at least divas like mariah carey were so vain they showed off their vocals whenever they could (ahaha!!) so at least it didn't blend into the mush. i wonder if this is how she wanted to make her debut, what she dreamed of singing when she was a little girl. have fun being just like everyone else, Katherine. your songs are so forgettable i regret it for you.

although, i do like kelly clarkson a lot. for some reason i feel like her 2nd album has a quality that sets her apart and that i can't ignore. 'you go, girl!' maybe that's why i'm so disappointed by McPhee. SIGH.

even more upsetting still is my favorite from season 5, Paris Bennet. she was SO VERSATILE and had this great jazz voice. i previewed her album and wanted to be sick. didn't use her voice at all the way that she could/should have. she makes me want to smack my face into a wall.

i will no longer expect any female singer (or singer in general) that american idol spits out to keep their integrity. i don't know why they spend all that time picking out the best singer and then just pervert and plaster over their voice. might as well just go with ashlee simpson if that was your goal.

also, i give a swift slap to nelly furtado for selling out as well. c'mon, man! your other albums were good! what did you DO? you sold out to hip-hop beats and sexually charged lyrics. i loved you SO MUCH. you broke my heart.

and while i'm at it, i kick michelle branch for teaming up with her friend instead of continuing to make solo music. boo i say!!!

ok, sorry, i just have to mention that we got this detailer working for us now, his office is closest to mine, so he keeps coming in to talk to me, interrupting me while i'm working just because he has no work to do.

he is such a LOSER. arrgh!! it's not like i'm an A-list star or anything and i love my dorkdom but this guy is a L-O-S-E-R.

he was just talking about his crappy car, then that he had a roomate that was a girl because she was fugly so he wouldn't be attracted and then that he found out after he moved out she had the 'hots' for him and he said 'eww!'

OMFG. get out of my office you fugly balding pot-bellied ginger!!